The One Where We Fan the Flame

Over - gosh - it's been well over a year ago now I suppose, God shook me from my slumber of simply going through daily routines and walking through life like a complacent zombie. He told me to wake up and start writing. I promised God at that time in my life that I would never let the flame burning in my soul for Him go out again. I promised I would never let the world around me suffocate the flame God was reigniting in my soul.

"This is why I remind you to fan into the flames the spiritual gift God gave you when I laid my hands on you. For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline. So never be ashamed to tell others about our Lord..." (2 Timothy 1:6-8)

The Word of God tells us that we are the ones who have to fan the flame for God that He burns into our souls. We have to keep the flame burning strong. We are given a spirit of boldness and courage, strength, love (which means we aren't big fat jerks to each other), and self-discipline. This means we have to do the work to keep that flame burning. We have to do the praying. We have to read the Word. We have to spend intentional time with God and listen to His words. I have gotten into a routine of making sure I spend time with God daily. I rather love doing this because I love the flame of God in my life. I feel lost and empty if I miss even just one hour with God. I can't really even put into words the difference these routines have made in life - my relationships, my marriage, my work life. It's just so much bigger than words like amazing or incredible and I don't know the right word to truly describe it. Even in the roughest times I face, God is so good through it. I can feel His strength, love, and endurance carrying me through. Tough times suck, but God manages to lighten the burdens I face and somehow makes them easier to get through. I also made a promise to God I'd be obedient to anything He asks of me. And I refuse to break that promise.

God asked me to start writing again. I gave Him my yes and asked Him how I'd know what to write about. He assured me He would give me words and He has not failed to do so. I determined in myself I would only write what God wanted written because nothing in this life is about me nor should it be. It's about God and His will for my life while here on Earth. I wrote - I still write - what He speaks to me and teaches me throughout my days and weeks.

God asked me to start an online Bible study group for women of all ages across all time zones. I told Him I didn't know how. He assured me He would make His way and work through me. I gave God my yes and the details of that are still in the process of coming together. If you want to preview the work in progress, you can visit www.perfectlyimperfecttogether.com. I still wrestle with God about it because I can be an insecure idiot, but that is no secret to God. I still pause continuously and ask God - "God, are you sure you have the right person for this?" God always answers with - "Just trust me.". I do trust God with all my heart, soul, and mind so I continue to give Him my yes. The details are still working themselves out on it but it's coming because God said do it, and I gave Him my yes. A funny story about this, as soon as I gave God my yes on this particular task, I was struck with shingles. The doctor said it was weird for someone my age to get shingles. I also got an abnormal mammogram report, inconclusive diagnostic mammogram, inclusive ultrasound, and an inconclusive MRI. I assure you it is not weird for someone my age to get the shingles and there's nothing inconclusive about what is happening. God is moving and the enemy is panicking and attacking any way he can. I'm moving forward with God's will regardless of what the enemy tries to throw at me. There's nothing inconclusive about it.

When God woke me from my slumber, I also promised Him I'd be all in and always give Him my yes no matter what He asks of me. My heart's deepest desire is to be as enthusiastic about God as my Bible hero Peter every day of my life. I want to be the type of person who jumps out of the boat and swims ashore to get to Jesus faster. I don't want distractions and personal hindrances to hold me back from God and His will. I don't want the lies of the enemy to stand in my way. I don't want fear to prevent me from stepping off the boat and onto the water. More than that, I want the people around me to be all in right with me as we move forward with God together - unified by God in spite of any differences anyone may have. I desire to work side by side with a team of warriors to shake the gates of hell and stop the enemy in his tracks with everything in my heart, soul and mind.

Before God asked me to start an online platform for women to join forces, He asked me to start writing about my testimony and some of the things I've been through in life. I answered with - "Ummm, I don't know if I can do that God." God answered "then it was all for nothing." That caught me right in the heart-chords. If it was all for nothing, that means there was no point to any of the pain, trauma and sufferings in my past. There was no point to my way too many mistakes and mishaps or the lessons they taught me. If that's true, there's no point in moving forward because I won't be willing to share the experiences and make a difference in someone else's life that God may want to use my stories for. The real truth about it is that it's easy to trust God wholeheartedly until He asks you to do something you think is too hard or too difficult. That's when God really starts getting real. We all have stories. Some of your stories are more horrific than I can imagine. Some of the things you've been through I can't even comprehend. Some of your stories maybe aren't horrific at all and someone who can relate to your life needs to hear what God is doing or has done in your life so far. God has shown me that when we are willing to share our stories - no matter what they are, it is how He moves through us into others. It creates a bond between other people you didn't know could be there. A deeper people-to-people connection is created just like God intended. It creates shared life - it creates community. I have been surprised to learn personally that it also brings healing and freedom from the grips and chains some of these things we've been through may have on our lives.

So I started sharing. When I started writing about some of my experiences, I will confess - it took me a good bit to press the "publish" button. But I gave God my yes - I am all in. Once I hit publish on the first story of one of my past experiences, I panicked a little. God calmed me. He's good like that. He asked me, "What are you worried about?" I answered, "Now people will be able to read this story whenever they want and what will they think?" That's when God showed me my concern for what other people thought of me was greater than my concern for what God thought of me. I repented. I had to let that go. It was not God's will for my life to idolize other people's approval, that is not God's will for any of our lives. What difference does it make what other people think? All that really truly matters is what God thinks of us.

I'm so thankful God is so patient, merciful and forgiving. I did go ahead and write out a few more of my experiences as God directed and it was without hesitancy as I moved forward. It wasn't super easy or comfortable, but it was God's will and I trust Him with everything in me. I'm all in.

God asked me to start making videos of the things He's pouring through my soul. I can't tell you how many times I re-recorded the very first video. I was obedient and did it anyway. It should have been way easier than it was since it was an anniversary video for two people I adore included with a message God wanted shared.

Moving right along, God asked me to start recording podcasts. Here's the funniest part, I didn't really know what a podcast was. I had an idea, but not really. I had never even listened to one before. God certainly has a sense of humor. So I listened to some, did some research, and am now awkwardly working on podcasts.

God asked me to do a hard thing yet again. He asked me to share my testimony out loud with our Bible Study group. I obviously gave God my yes because that's what I do but it took a LOT of pre-prayer to get there. I knew the testimony night was coming in advance so I had plenty of time to prepare myself and pray - a LOT. When my turn came, I could feel the burning of the Holy Spirit inside me saying "you can do this, I am with you." So I did. And I didn't even die during the process or anything. I know - shocking!

Most recently, I went to a ladies group meeting. I had no idea what to expect since it was my first time joining a ladies group. I was NOT prepared for what God had planned this time. BUT God was with me as He promises He will be - every single time. Towards the end of the meeting, we were in small groups together at small little tables and guess what, God asked me to share some of my tough stuff with this small group of complete strangers. I was debating very briefly because there wasn't a lot of time for debating. I could feel that familiar feeling of the warm sensation of the Holy Spirit coursing through my soul so I knew I was supposed to share. So I did. It was awkward and uncomfortable for me, but God met me there the moment I stepped out and gave Him my yes. I stepped out of the boat for Jesus and obeyed Him. By the end of the meeting, my soul was full and I was re-energized. In the process, God somehow connected some strings between us ladies that night. The flame was fanned by the community God had plopped me into. It's something I'll never be able to explain because it's God and it's His thing. I don't know that we'll ever fully understand how God works or if we're even ever supposed to. I'm absolutely okay with that.

I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing or what God is going to ask next, but I'm going to continually give God my yes as long as I'm breathing here on Earth. We are only here for a short time and I'm determined not to get to Heaven and have God look at me with disappointment for not listening to Him or wasting the life He has for me on Earth. That would crush me more than what any other person thinks of me anywhere. That would quite literally break my soul in two. I want to run for Jesus with everything in me for the rest of my days on Earth. I want to be enthusiastic for Jesus and continually keep the flame in my soul burning for God because that part is up to me to be intentional about and I'm 100% all in.